Unresolved conflict has a way of consuming us. It occupies our minds, tightens our stomachs and sets our hearts racing.

The longer disputes continue, the more resentment grows and the harder it is to forgive. Eventually, reconciliation can feel completely out of reach.

When this happens, our spiritual journey often gets sidetracked.

Have you noticed that when your heart is filled with unforgiveness toward one person, you’re more likely to also feel anger toward others? Conflict has a way of spreading, often reshaping who we are.

This forces us to ask hard questions:

• What kind of person am I becoming?
• More importantly, do my attitudes and responses jeopardize my witness as a follower of Christ?

Ephesians 4:32-32 (ESV) speaks clearly to this struggle:

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you

The harm caused by anger and unforgiveness often outlasts the conflict itself. Does this reality grieve us enough to confess our unforgiving attitudes as sin – and recognize that they don’t reflect the heart of a genuine Christ-follower?

I know how deeply I need God’s mercy. Every day. All day. If God treated me according to what I deserve, especially on my worst days, I could not stand under His just judgment. His mercy toward me calls me to extend mercy to others, even when they’re having their worst days too.

When we refuse God’s love, we …

• cheat ourselves
• grieve the Holy Spirit
• and shortchange our families and communities.

Bitterness changes us, making us less than the person we want to model to our children and grandchildren.

God’s love transforms us into a person whom our children and grandchildren will want to emulate. A person who models forgiveness because we too fall short. Way too often.

With Valentine’s Day approaching, we think of love shown through cards, chocolates and romantic gestures. However, Scripture directs us to a more profound love – one that calls for humility and forgiveness.

Bitterness is different. It hardens us. We see it everywhere on social media, in our communities, even in our homes. But during this month of love, our hearts (and lives) can be transformed by God’s incredible love for us.

The more secure we are in Christ’s love, the more peace we experience in our relationships and the more faithfully we respond to conflict. Mercifully, we find that grace can survive. Love can endure.

What about you?

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this post. (Your comment might also benefit others.)

• How do unresolved conflicts affect you—and your other relationships?
• How is bitterness and unforgiveness changing you?

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