Divorce is painful, particularly when it separates you from your children.

When I was a young mother, I had to pick up and return my children to my former husband every other weekend. Every time I dropped them off at the end of my weekend, I cried.

Returning my children to their dad hurt not only because I ached deeply for them, but also because of the reality of my situation. My obsession with losing weight (anorexia nervosa) cost me my family.

One Sunday, when I drove to the designated place to hand over my small children, my former sister-in-law met me instead of their father.

Seeing her caught me by surprise. I felt so self-conscious that I couldn’t speak or look at her. As I helped the kids into her car, I imagined how I must have come across to her – snobbish and ungrateful for the time she took out of her day to meet me.

In that moment, my sister-in-law could have easily judged me. If I had considered my behavior from her perspective, I would have thought, “Look at her! How rude! She doesn’t even have the decency to look at me, much less thank me.” Wouldn’t you have thought the same thing?

But you would have been mistaken in your thinking. The truth was, I was too ashamed to face her. I couldn’t look at her because I felt like a failure. More specifically, I felt like a failed mom.

And this is the point.

Most of the time, we don’t have all the facts we need to make a fair judgment about someone in a particular situation. John 7:24 (ESV) says:

Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.

My sister-in-law most likely never judged me the way I imagined. (Knowing her, I fully believe this is true.) Yet, there I was judging her. Many times, I’ve formed opinions about someone and believed I was right in my thinking, but I was wrong. Completely wrong.

How many people have I hurt with my hasty and superficial verdicts? How many have you?

When we feel the urge to judge, wouldn’t it be wiser (and more compassionate) to give others the benefit of the doubt?

Isn’t this what we hope others would do for us?

What about you?

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