Becoming the Wife Bert Thought He Married
Years ago, I was critical and angry with my husband, Bert. The more he put his work and needs ahead of me and our relationship, the worse my attitude became.
I felt rejected, and I wasn’t shy about letting him know how I felt.
One day, our conflict boiled over. “We can’t go on like this. I want a divorce,” Bert said, throwing his wedding ring onto the coffee table as he headed to the garage. His words sliced through me as I crumpled to the floor.
“God, please change me!” I cried, clutching Bert’s wedding ring. I felt God’s gentle, albeit convicting, nudging. Whether my behavior was “justified” or not, as an imitator of Christ, it was not God-honoring (nor Bert-honoring).
For the next several weeks, I began to practice the principles presented in Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ and R. T. Kendall’s books (Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs and Total Forgiveness, respectively), which caused me to think and behave differently. I treated Bert more respectfully and, with God’s help, chose to forgive him for his failures while continuing to take responsibility for mine.
I didn’t do everything perfectly, but my repentance was real. As I prayed constantly and meditated on God’s Word every day, I sensed God’s presence penetrating my innermost being.
My hope grew. Thankfully, so did my understanding of my significance and calling in Jesus. As a Christ-follower, I’m called to lovingly serve my husband, even when he “doesn’t deserve it.” Doing this doesn’t diminish my value. It fulfills me.
Whenever I chose to honor and respect Bert, it brought me joy – and moved my marriage in a better direction. I started to behave like the wife I prayed to be – the wife Bert thought he married.
Then, one incredible evening, Bert came to me with tears in his eyes. “Sheryl, I’ve never had anyone love me like you do. I’ve never had someone who was willing to stay with me, in spite of my selfish, self-centered behavior.” He reached for my hand and pulled me closer. “Will you forgive me?”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I covered my mouth with my hands and laughed – and cried! Was this really happening?
Bert left the room and came back with his wedding ring. He slid it onto his finger and said, “I’ll never take it off again.” More tears filled his eyes. “I’ve been a fool, Sheryl.”
Bert asked me to forgive him for the years of rejection, and I asked him to forgive me for my years of disrespectful behavior. He pulled me close, and we held each other for a long, long while. What an incredible turnaround – brought about by an incredible God!
What about you?
I’d love to hear your thoughts about this post. (Your comment might also benefit others.)
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You both found the God within, which is love.
Hi, Arthur. So nice to see you again.
It is indeed Christ in us that has made all the difference!
I would love to hear from you. Please share your story on how God intervened in your relationship or circumstances.
Or you could let us know how we can pray for you.
What a fabulous testimony of doing things God’s way!
So many women will fault you for submitting. I sing your praises! This is the example the world needs to see! This is the example Christ is so pleased with. You let Him do things His way!
Hallelujah!
Thank you for sharing with us. Your vulnerability speaks volumes.
I’m sure this was easier to write than to walk out. I admire your strength and conviction.
This is living life Christ-like!!!!
Hallelujah!
You are SO right, Helen. It is much easier to write about submitting to Bert (thereby, God!) than it is to live it. I praise God for ALL He has done and continues to do in and through us.
And thank you for your ENCOURAGING comment, Helen.
Marriage is a gift, and a covenant from God! When I sense Tom and my relationship slipping away with a complaining spirit, I always ask God to help us both draw closer to one another, and improve our marriage, and He comes through every time, because without the Lord our marriage isn’t God honoring! “So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” 1 John 4:16. God always comes through as I see Him working in both of us to love Him more and love one another better every time I ask!
Amen! Marriage is work. But so worth it when we allow God’s Word to do its work in us.
Thank you, Kim! I always love hearing from you.
This is a great and powerful read. Forgiveness is a critical ingredient in any long term relationship. That quality is a most from both individuals in a marriage. Your testimony is a story from which many can benefit and certainly helps me see and value my wife and her forgiveness even more. Thank you for using your gift of writing to bring glory to
God!
Hello, Mike! Welcome to Today Can Be Different.
THANK you SO much for your encouraging words.
And thank you for your ministry!
Please visit here often. We can all benefit from your wisdom.
Oh, we have so much in common. It also took me to realize in a turbulent marriage where we woukd constantly argue in heated arguments that I had to take the initiate for change. Through soul searching and a lot of prayers, a miracle happened but not over night. During one sided arguments, I’d walk away while silently praying.
I’m happy to say that we haven’t argued for several years now but there still are times when I keep my mouth shut and silently praying.
It is truly remarkable how a change in perspective with the Lord’s help restored what was once broken.
A wonderful message.
Isn’t that the truth?! Thankfully, God will not give up until He has finished the work He has already begun in us, which always benefits our relationships!
Thank you, Sandra, for your comment and for modeling obedience to God’s Word.