Husbands, do you dread coming home? Wives, do you hate to see your husband’s car pulling up the driveway at the end of the workday? Or if you’re both working, do you no longer look forward to sharing about your day over dinner?

Marriage is hard. And when you’re in a bad place in your marriage, the last thing you want to do is read a column about how to be a better husband or wife. Especially when you’re convinced an article telling your partner how to be a better spouse would be much more helpful.

Yet, here you are. And here I am. You need encouragement. You crave a miracle. And I need inspiration on how to share what’s in my heart without losing half my readers.

Remember on your wedding day when you pledged to love and cherish your beloved for the rest of your life? How long did that last?

Don’t worry. I hear you loud and clear: “What about my spouse’s promises to me?!” And round and round it goes. Both of you are miserable and neither is willing to be the first to do what it takes to get your marriage moving in the right direction.

But what’s the alternative? Do you really want to continue in the direction you’re heading? To what end? Divorce? Or to stay married, but be so miserable that you wish you’d never gotten married in the first place?

How would it change your marriage if, today, you decided to change that direction? Rather than waiting for your husband or wife to take the first step, ask God for the grace to pray Psalm 139:23 (ESV):

[O God], see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!

What would happen if you allowed God  . . .

• To show you the areas in which you are wrong?
• To show you any behavior that isn’t pleasing to Him?
• Then, to lead you back to His ways?

I’m not minimizing your spouse’s shortcomings. But isn’t there something better than simply winning another argument? What if, even in the midst of your worst fight, you took a step back and began bridging your way to peace – and perhaps a miracle?

I know you want to be a better spouse – the husband or wife your partner thought they married. The husband or wife you thought you’d be.

I find it easier to write about being a good spouse than to be one. But in my six decades of life, I’ve learned a few things. In the next few weeks, I’ll share them with you. I hope and pray the lessons I’ve learned will make your journey a little easier.

But until next time, take that first step toward healing your marriage by asking God to reveal any “grievous way” in you.

What do you think?

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this post. (Others might also benefit from your comment.)

• Are you ready to step up and ask God to show you the areas you need to change?
• And then, to ask God for mercy – and the grace to do things differently. To do things His way?

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