Forgiving Our Parents
We’ve all heard stories from those who say their parents messed up their lives. While some stories are horrific, others are typical – albeit distressing – reflections of dysfunctional families.
I have no doubt my children love me. Yet I cringe at what they might share regarding the times I behaved in less-than-loving ways. Nevertheless, I can honestly say to each one of them, “I have always loved you. Imperfectly, yes. But always.”
I have no doubt my mom and dad would say the same thing if they were still alive. Wouldn’t you to your children?
Being a good parent, especially a single one, is one of the most challenging roles there is. As much as we wished we’d been perfect parents or had perfect parents, I know only one perfect Parent. Let’s ask our heavenly Father to help us forgive our moms and dads, even if they’ve already died.
I realize some of you were abused as a child. I’m not minimizing this in any way. You have much to work through, and I pray you’ve found a good counselor to guide you to healing and a place of eventual forgiveness.
For the rest of us – those whose parents weren’t abusive but made their share of mistakes while we were growing up – what if we simply accepted that they are (or were) just as imperfect as we are now, as parents ourselves?
What would happen if we saw our parents as people who suffered their own hurts and their own unmet needs? Our parents probably have already beaten themselves up and wished they’d been a whole lot closer to perfect.
This brings us to Ephesians 4:32 (ESV):
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Isn’t this what we hope our children will do for us?
If you’re a child of an imperfect, yet a sincerely caring parent, what would you like to say to your mom, dad, or both? If you are one of those imperfect parents, yet sincerely tried to be a good mom or dad, what would you like to say to your children? Why not take the time to have these conversations soon?
While we’re on the subject, let’s also forgive ourselves for not being the flawless parent we hoped to be. Bitterness and guilt keep us in bondage to our past. Mercy and grace will set us on the road toward healing – and help break the dysfunctional cycle.
On a personal note, with Mother’s Day and Father’s Day in mind, I love you and miss you, Mom and Dad – mistakes and all.
What about you?
I’d love to hear your thoughts about this post. (Your comment might also benefit others.)
- How would it change your perspective if you saw your parents as people who suffered their own hurts and their own unmet needs?
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Glad to read this post and reflect on it. I have friends in their sixties who still talk about never having felt love from their parents yet they were very well cared for in so many ways. I never had so much as they were given, but either I felt loved more or else I did not feel the need for constant hugs, kisses, and being told, “I love you,” to feel loved. To compare the childhoods way back then to now when children are typically more doted on can make people feel likd they did miss out. I do feel sad for my friends who seem forever wounded in this manner. I do consider my “depression era” parents and their background as the reason I was never given much in the material sense.
VERY insightful perspective, Janice. Well said!
And thank you for stopping by. I always love it when you do, Janice.
What an appropriate message.
I won’t go into any details about being victimized, but I’ve moved on inspire of the trauma. It took me many years of counseling and prayers and I can say that it’s no longer an issue.
I left it all at the cross and that’s what I would tell my entire family.
The Lord has worked so many miracles in my life and I’m a completely transformed child of God.
Thank you once again for posting pertinent messages so that it gives many people the chance to respond.
For me,it’s like a declaration given by God.
I SO appreciate your comment, Sandra. (As I always do.) Praise God for His continued work in each of us!
And thank you again for stopping by Today Can Be Different.net. I always look forward to your comments, Sandra.
Ephesians 4:32 (ESV): Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Forgiveness, kindness and love are so important for healing in all relationships and especially with our parents and children, since we are parents to them. Nobody’s perfect except for Jesus, but when we depend on Him alone it’s amazing the difference it can make! Thanks Sheryl!✝️
Indeed! Trusting in Christ alone makes an incredible difference in the way we relate to one another.
Thank you, Kim, for stopping by!
I really liked Kim’s response. Letting Jesus help was with our parents or our children can make a big difference. No matter what, prayers help in any situation.
Exactly! We can never go wrong when we let Jesus help us with our relationships, especially as a parent of as a child.
Thank you, Sandra, for stopping by TodayCanBeDifferent.net. I always appreciate it.
When I apologize to my now adult daughter about some of the parenting mistakes I made, the response is often met with humor. It may have been upsetting at that time, but now is looked upon with smiles.
As a parent, one thing I learned is that one is always moving into uncharted territory. We have never been there before. Just when we think we have figured out childhood, the pre-teen and then teen years come followed by young adult. It’s all new. Yes, we went through those years, but we were not parents. So, don’t feel so guilty if mistakes are made. Just learn from them.
Hello, Robert. I sense many heads nodding as we read your comment!
Thank you for stopping by Today Can Be Different again, Robert. We love hearing from you.
Robert, I am also nodding my head in agreement.