What does a big, cold, ugly block of cement symbolize to you?

How about a big, cold, ugly case of . . . unforgiveness?

The longer our grievance festers, the longer we resist forgiving the one who’s hurt us – and the bigger, colder and uglier our unforgiving heart grows.

I sincerely hope that forgiving others isn’t as hard for you as it is for me, especially when those who hurt us don’t seem sorry for what they’ve done.

It’s certainly much easier to forgive when the person didn’t intend to hurt us.

Which leads us to a question: Does God expect us to forgive people when their actions or words against us are thoughtless or even intentional?

As much as we may dread hearing the answer, what would become of us if we refused to hear God’s heart about this? Matthew 6:14 (ESV) says,

If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

The Greek word for trespasses (paraptōma) does, in part, apply to “willful” sins.

Willful.

How do we let go when someone deliberately hurts someone we love? Or give up resentment when they bully us for having convictions that differ from theirs?

How do we forgive our spouse for the reckless and willful sins they commit against us? How do they forgive us? What about those who purposely hurt us on social media? Or at church?

One side note: When there’s abuse involved, forgiveness doesn’t mean staying in a dangerous situation. We can forgive someone who willfully sins/sinned against us while also removing ourselves from that environment – even to the point of involving authorities if necessary.

If we’re not in an abusive situation, have we harbored resentment for so long that forgiveness no longer matters to us as it once did? Or have we justified our self-righteousness for so long that we’ve become blind to our own offenses?

Our merciful God sees clearly, and He hates our unforgiving attitudes – especially when we recklessly and willfully choose to ignore the abundant grace He, Himself, has shown us. (Read the story of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18.)

If we’ve forgotten the many times God has shown us grace, let’s be honest about it and ask Him to help us remember the times He’s forgiven our reckless and willful sins against Him.

I have no doubt we’ll come away humbled and ready to forgive others for their trespasses so we can let go of our big, cold, ugly, unforgiving heart.

What about you?

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this post. (Your comment might also benefit others.)

• What steps can you take to become more forgiving — even toward those who willfully mistreat you?
• Would being part of an accountability group — or partnering with an accountability friend — help you live the Christian life you’ve always wanted to live?

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