“I wish I was allowed to eat!” This was the constant thought that plagued me for years. It seemed so unfair that others were allowed to eat. But not me.

Whose rules kept me so hungry? It definitely wasn’t God’s.

For years, I felt powerless to say no to the behavior associated with anorexia nervosa and bulimia. Hunger pangs would shoot through my navel to gnaw at my spine. How crazy was it to starve myself, even though food was always available?

Available, but not permissible.

Even though I was 40 pounds underweight, I feared gaining a single pound. Yet, the horror of not losing another pound far outweighed that fear. That horror actually helped to satisfy my gnawing hunger. 

Nothing became more important than losing that daily pound. And nothing made me feel more like a failure if I didn’t.

Nothing.

My life – my every thought – was consumed with how to lose another pound.

I would have died had it not been for medical intervention, including professional counseling. Because of this, I want to make clear that I’m not minimizing the seriousness of eating disorders and the importance of getting professional help.

As I look back, however, I realize that, without knowing it, I was dealing with more than medical and mental health issues. I was also fighting a spiritual battle. I’m so very thankful for the godly counselors who helped me realize this and walked beside me through my journey.

As my relationship with God grew, I became aware that I had choices. I could continue to choose to be oppressed by my destructive behavior, or I could yield to God’s grace. I realized that each time I resisted God’s help, I was choosing to disobey Him. I was choosing to let sin reign in my heart, and, therefore, in my choices. Romans 6:12 (ESV) describes this:

Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions.

One of my counselors encouraged me to memorize and meditate on God’s Word, especially whenever I felt tempted to starve myself or purge. Romans 6:12 was one of those verses. Eventually I noticed my love for God was growing stronger than my need to lose weight. In time, by God’s grace, I stayed accountable to my counselors and support group and broke free from Satan’s clutches – and his rules.

What about you? What sin or bad habit is controlling you? Whose rules are you following?

Satan lies to us. He entices us to jump through hoops that will never bring us to a satisfying end.

Jesus gives us the power to say “no” to Satan’s lies and hoops. He calls us to live in freedom, to an abundantly satisfying life.

What about you?

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this post. (Your comment might also benefit others.)

• What sin or bad habit is controlling you?
• Whose rules are you following?

If you’re reading by email, CLICK HERE to visit Today Can Be Different online and leave a comment. If you would like to subscribe to this blog and receive the most recent post to your inbox, see sidebar! There’s no charge for this service. AND, I’d be tickled if you would consider sharing this post.