When We’re Desperate To Be Valued
The phone is quiet. Perpetually quiet.
Your eyes well up with tears as you pray for it to ring. Desperate for an indication that somebody cares. Desperate to be someone’s BFF.
Unfortunately, your obsessive need for others to want to spend time with you sabotages any real chance for healthy relationships. And your angry responses to their perceived rejection only perpetuate the cycle.
You feel helpless. Your gaping need screams louder than your ability to calm down enough so that others can enjoy your company. The huge chips on both your shoulders, including the why-didn’t-you-return-my-calls chip, don’t do much for spreading holiday cheer at family gatherings, either.
I’ve been there.
It wasn’t until my sister, Teri, suggested I focus more on loving others – rather than demanding them to love me – that things changed.
When we validate others, not only do they benefit, but a wonderful healing takes place in us. Especially when we show love to those who aren’t easy to be around. Those who wear their own chips on their shoulders.
We can’t truly appreciate others, however, if we’re convinced that no one loves us. Thankfully, Someone does – deeply and completely. And because Almighty God loves us so magnificently, we can love others.
Look at this powerfully beautiful verse:
We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19 ESV).
Because God loves and cherishes us, even with all the chips we shoulder, we find comfort, security and stability in Him. In gratitude, we can stop dwelling on our bottomless need for validation and ask our heavenly Father to show us people who also need to feel loved.
An act of kindness or even a simple smile can change someone’s day. Everyone, every single person, has a need to be noticed, valued and loved. Even nitpicky Aunt Marion, prettier-than-me Christina and nosy-church-member Agatha.
Caring about others is the best way to overcome feelings of rejection. It might even make our telephone ring. But on the days when the phone seems silent, we can pick it up and reach out to a person who needs to know someone cares.
The more we realize that we are extraordinarily loved, the more our lives will become complete – and less lonely.
We might even become someone’s BFF.
What do you think?
I’d love to hear your thoughts about this post. (Others might also benefit from your comment.)
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Sheryl, thank you for your insightful blog message pointing us to sharing God’s love with those who may need it the most. Your focus today gives us much to think about. In your words: “Because God loves and cherishes us, even with all the chips we shoulder, we find comfort, security and stability in Him. In gratitude, we can stop dwelling on our bottomless need for validation and ask our heavenly Father to show us people who also need to feel loved.” May we take the time to reach out to others every day with His love and encouragement. In doing that, we may forget our own need for validation and help change their perspective as well. May we be thankful for His forever love for us! Amen! ❤ [Honored to share on my Timeline and on our community page: A Women’s Fellowship/Ministry.]
Well said, Joyce. Especially “May we take the time to reach out to others every day with His love and encouragement. In doing that, we may forget our own need for validation and help change their perspective as well.”
And thank you for sharing my devotion on your Facebook page and the A Women’s Fellowship/Ministry community page!
Oh how I needed this timely message – thanks!
You’re so welcome, Judy. To be very honest, I needed this very message too! 🙂
Thank you for stopping by Today Can Be Different. I always love it when you do.
I’m thankful for Teri. She sounds like a wise lady. And I’m thankful for you because you heard and received the truth. This is a lesson most of us have needed to learn and perhaps be reminded of at times. Too often we focus on self when we should certainly be focusing on Christ and looking for others who need comforting and compassion. It really makes a huge difference when we’re a doer of the word and not a hearer only. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Thank you, Barbara! I too am thankful for my sister, Teri, for her wise counsel – and for being a great sister.
I’m also thankful for your great comment and kind words, Barbara.
Your articles are always so meaningful. Thank you for the time you take to write. Merry Christmas
Thank you SO much, Dave. You always encourage me with your comments.
I remember the year I lost my job due to AI, I was feeling quite discouraged. What helped me most to stay focused on God’s promises and to trust Him was to focus on blessing others and filling up with worship music – singing Thanksgiving back to Him! It really does work (I’m a living testimony to that) to focus on blessing others.
I’m sorry to hear about your losing your job, Cheri. But I’m encouraged that you were able to stay focused on God and His promises — and on blessing others!! Well done.
Welcome to Today Can Be Different, Cheri. We hope to see you often.
Hi, Cheri. I wanted to come back to ask you to please keep in touch and let us know how you’re doing.